tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2177582049487112549.post6107593443743047307..comments2008-05-21T14:18:40.616-06:00Comments on Katie Jo's Blog: Media Pitch - Rough DraftKatie Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15915993816706263008noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2177582049487112549.post-1785237138997369362008-05-21T14:04:00.000-06:002008-05-21T14:04:00.000-06:00Katie Jo-I saw one superfluous comma and one that ...Katie Jo-<BR/><BR/>I saw one superfluous comma and one that I would add.<BR/><BR/>In the second paragraph, I would add a comma in the first sentence after the word "organization."<BR/><BR/>A couple of paragraphs down, you say it's "free, easy to join, and..." You don't need a comma after join according to AP style. Other than that it looks great!Jackson & Celestehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08016418247273073342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2177582049487112549.post-31310461891265786832008-03-07T09:50:00.000-07:002008-03-07T09:50:00.000-07:00Your second sentence should be your lead sentence,...Your second sentence should be your lead sentence, as your first sentence is supporting information and not a hook.<BR/><BR/>Your second paragraph needs to rewritten as to not refer so vaguely to the first paragraph. Just spit out the facts....it doesn't need to be flowery.<BR/><BR/>I like the boilerplate, though not necessary, it works.Prestonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04048531826921207219noreply@blogger.com