Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Proposal Letter - Draft

Four Paws Rescue Non-Profit Organization has place 3,500 hundred dogs and cats in loving homes since 2000 and need a 12 passenger van that will sufficiently provide transportation during their needs of travel and your donation will make this possible.
We have seen that Cache Valley Murdock has shown a tradition of excellence in making donations to non-profit organizations throughout the valley. ……???
The shelter located in currently has little means of transportation leaving some at the shelter at prime adoption fairs.. …??
With a donation from Murdock for a new 12 passenger van the shelter would be able to transport the animals safely and in more numbers. ….??
Four Paws is a non-profit organization that’s mission is to rescue stray and abandoned animals from high-kill shelters and find them loving homes. With additional help from donors Four Paws will continue to help animals and be the leading animal shelter in northern Utah.
Budget …… Tie in that we have sent a similar letter to another dealership
Without a 12 passenger van Four Paws animal shelter is losing an animals chance to find a loving home. A donation from Murdock will help save the animals that are placed in the shelter. To respond to this letter please contact: Shannon at 435-111-2222 or via email at scfourpaws@hotmail.com.

3 comments:

Nolan said...

good info and a clear message, but the text looked a little bulky. I would probably tey to breake it into some paragraghs to make it more readable.

Jessica Collett said...

I agree, good information. Also, put the contact information at the top like a business letter.

Jessica

Jackson said...

Katie Jo-

This is obviously a draft, so I'm sure in the final version you'll be taking out the ...????'s.

Here's one other suggestion: In the second paragraph it says "Four Paws is a non-profit organization that’s mission is to..."

I'd change it to "whose mission it is to..." I may be wrong, but it just sounds a little better.

Other than that, great job.